I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
