Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
