it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
