her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
why is half of my head shaved?
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