I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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