How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
