Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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