We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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