I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
