my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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