Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
