I hate all girls vehemently.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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