3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
