I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
