dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
