he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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