Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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