apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
