look no pants
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
