I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So much rum. So many feels.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
