Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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