After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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