I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
