I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
