none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
