Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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