i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it's not cheating when I paid for it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
