either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
false alarm, still single
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
