I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
