Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
