i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
