Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
