You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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