He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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