Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
