Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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