I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
