I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it's like iHOP with fire
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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