I heard we made out
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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