we have officially lost it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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