Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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