Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
