I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
