This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
