He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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