Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize