Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
