Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
