Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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