i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
