No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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