Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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