i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
